REAL ESTATE HUMOR - The Lighter Side of real estate!

The Frog Prince
(from Politically Correct Bedtime Stories)

Once there was a young princess who when she grew tired of beating her head against the male power structure at her castle, would relax by walking into the woods and sitting beside a small pond. There she would amuse herself by tossing her favorite golden ball up and down and pondering the role of the eco-feminist warrior in her era.

One day, while she was envisioning the utopia that her queendom could become if women were in the positions of power, she dropped the ball, which rolled into the pond. The pond was so deep and murky she couldn't see where it had gone. She didn't cry, of course, but she make a mental note to be more careful next time.

Suddenly she heard a voice say, "I can get your ball for you, princess."

She looked around, and saw the head of a frog popping above the surface of the pond. "No, no," she said, "I would never enslave a member of another species to work for my selfish desires."

The frog said, "Well, what if we make a deal on a contingency basis? I'll get your ball for you if you do me a favor in return."

The princess gladly agreed to this most equitable arrangement. The frog dived under the water and soon emerged with the golden ball in his mouth. He spit the ball on the shore and said, "Now that I've done you a favor, I'd like to explore your views on physical attraction between the species."

The princess couldn't imagine what the frog was talking about. The frog continued, "You see, I am not really a frog at all. I'm really a man, but an evil sorcerer has cast a spell on me. While my frog form is no better or worse -- only different -- than my human form, I would so much like to be among people again. And the only thing that can break this spell is a kiss from a princess."

The princess thought for a moment about whether sexual harassment could take place between species, but her heart went out to the frog for his predicament. She bent down and kissed the frog on the forehead. Instantly the frog grew and changed. And there, standing in the water where the frog had been, was a man in a golf shirt and loud plaid pants -- middle-aged, vertically challenged, and losing a little bit of hair on top.

The princess was taken aback. "I'm sorry if this sounds a little classist," she stammered, "but...what I mean to say is... don't sorcerers usually cast their spells on princes?"

"Ordinarily, yes," he said, "but this time the target was just an innocent businessman. You see, I'm a real estate developer, and the sorcerer thought I was cheating him in a property-line dispute. So he invited me out for a round of golf, and just as I was about to tee off, he transformed me. But my time as a frog wasn't wasted, you know. I've gotten to know every square inch of these woods, and I think it would be ideal for an office park/condo/resort complex. The location's great and the numbers crunch perfectly! The bank wouldn't lend any money to a frog, but now that I'm in human form again, they'll be eating out of my hand. Oh, will that be sweet! And let me tell you, this is going to be a big project! Just drain the pond, cut down about 80 percent of the trees, get easements for..."

The frog developer was cut short when the princess shoved her golden ball back into his mouth. She then pushed him back underwater and held him there until he stopped thrashing. As she walked back to the castle, she marveled at the number of good deeds that a person could do in just one morning. And while someone might have noticed that the frog was gone, no one ever missed the real estate developer

Courtesy: homebuying.about.com

What makes an agent truly valuable?

Recently, an excited first-time homebuyer spent some time telling a real estate agent what she wanted in a home. They also discussed financing. Immediately afterwards, the agent took her new client out and showed her...

...two homes.

One was perfect.

Instead of making an offer right away, the buyer went home and called her friend. The friend had a real estate license. The buyer and her second agent presented an offer on the home, leaving the first agent totally in the dark.

After all, the first agent hadn't worked "too hard."

Which made me think about what really makes a real estate agent valuable, among other things.

Knowledge of inventory was near the top of the list.

It sounds boring and unexciting. Bookish, even.

You see, the reason the first agent knew which houses to show her potential client was because she had previewed those properties. That's one of those things agents do that you don't know about. They go out on their own, by themselves or with other agents, and look at property after property after property. They know what models are located where, how long they've been on the market, which ones have listing agents that are easy to work with, and more. They know all kinds of things that you don't know they know.

Not only that, the agent had been previewing properties for what "seems like forever" - so she immediately knew which houses to show the soon-to-be-excited buyer. She had been to those homes and/or model matches for those homes - for quite some time.

She knew her inventory.

The friend did not know the inventory. Otherwise, the buyer would have gone to her friend first, right?

It's like wandering around the aisles of a drug store not knowing which over-the-counter cough syrup is best for your particular ailment. Who would you rather ask? The clerk at the register or the pharmacist?

Either way, you're walking out of the store with a cardboard box filled with thick sloshy liquid.

So what you're really hiring in an agent is knowledge - and not just knowledge of inventory. Knowledge of lots of things that you don't even know you don't know. They make it seem easy, but that's because they want it to seem easy. If agents told you how hard it was, you would be even more nervous about shelling out hundreds of thousands of dollars.

After all, it is only the most expensive purchase you've ever made in your life.

But it's only a house, right?

And everyone knows that a Schedule 1 item on a termite report must be repaired prior to closing, which Schedule II items do not. And all those other little details.

By the way, the first agent and the listing agent talked to one another because she expected to present an offer shortly. No details, of course - just the name of her client and to expect the offer.

The buyer did present an offer, but with the wrong agent. This took the listing agent by surprise. Like many industries, real estate agents have a code of ethics they are supposed to obey. At the same time, agents don't always know what their clients are up to. Anyway, imagine how negotiations went, if they went anywhere at all. Plus, there were other problems that will be saved for another article.

Which isn't really the point. The point was that you hire an agent because of training, knowledge, experience, problem-solving ability, connections, their ability to communicate...and lots of other neat stuff.

The moral I promised?

You don't know what you don't know.

Which is why you hire people that will cover the blanks you know about, as well as the ones you don't. That is where you find the true value of a real estate agent.

Courtesy: realestateabc.com

Finding the Best Real Estate Professional

Finding the right real estate professional requires doing a little research and asking a few questions. You need to know everything about the selling process. What is the marketing strategy? What kind of advertising will be done? Is the Realtor capable and willing to communicate effectively? Can the Realtor effectively present and sell the less-noticeable assets of the property?

Real estate professionals also need to be knowledgeable about the community. They need to have a feel for the history of the area and the approximate price that people will be willing to pay. Also, real estate agents should know what the competition is and how much it will effect your sale.

NEVER choose a Realtor on price alone. Remember that a Realtor cannot magically raise the selling price of the house. Consider the buyer. The purchaser won't willingly pay too much; it's most likely that he or she will do research on the market and try to find the best product for the best price. The facts simply cannot be changed, no matter which Realtor you select. In spite of these unchangeable factors, the Realtor you select must still be diligent and knowledgable.

If your property does not elicit attention within several weeks, the cause can most likely be attributed to one of these three factors: location, condition, and price. The location obviously cannot be changed. You should consider examining the conditioning of your property and reevaluating the marketing strategy. Ask your Realtor to offer an explanation of the competition and your pricing strategy.

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The original author is not known. It is not our intention to infringe upon copyrighted material. If you are the original author of any of these articles, please let us know so that we may provide appropriate credit.

Courtesy: totalrealestatesolutions.com

Know Your Real Estate Laws

The real estate business is fraught with scams, fraud and unethical practices. As such, it is a highly-regulated business. As a real estate investor, you are treading on areas of law which you should be familiar.

A good real estate attorney will help you along the way, but you should stive to educate yourself as well. At a minimum, you should be aware of the following:

Landlord-Tenant Rules
What exactly does it take to evict someone? How much does it cost? How long does it take? Can I serve notices myself, or do I need a process server? Are there special housing rules that apply in my city? Is there a limit to the amount of rent increases I can ask for? Is there a limit to security deposits? Do I have to give interest on a security deposit to my tenant? How long can I hold a security deposit after the tenant leaves? Is there a minimum grace period before I can charge a late fee?

Cornell University Law School's website maintains a good list of state real property statutes. You can also find information on the Rental Housing Online site.

Legal Documents

What form of contract, deed, mortgage, note, lease, etc are commonly used in my area? Are there special forms required for licensed real estate agents? Am I required to use these forms if I am an agent acting as a principal? You should learn the local forms and how to custom-tailor them for your needs. A good attorney and my Nuts & Bolts of Creative Real Estate Transactions course will help.

Recording Rules

Where do legal documents get recorded? What are the filing fees? What format must the documents follow? Is there a transfer tax? Contact your local title company or the County recorder's office for information.

Disclosure Laws
What must be disclosed to a buyer or tenant about the property? Lead? Asbestos? Rapists in the neighborhood? You can usually find this information by contacting your local real estate investor's association.

Interest Rate Limits & Other Loan Regulations
What is the limit for charging interest until it becomes usury? In most states the limit is 21%; a few states have no limit. Once you loan money or sell houses on credit with owner financing, you may have to comply with Federal Regulation Z (Truth-in-Lending), the Real Estate Settlement Procedures Act (R.E.S.P.A.) and other state counterparts.

Fair Housing
Can I discriminate against certain groups when I rent my property? Obviously, you cannot discriminate against people based on race, religion, sex, age, etc. However, some state and cities have more peculiar restrictions, such New York City. where you can't discriminate against lawyers!

Licensing Laws
Learn Real Estate Agent Licensing Laws. In some cases, your practices as an investor may be treading close that of an agent. Check with your state licensing agency for more information. If you are rehabbing homes, you may need to comply with building regulations and be licensed as a homebuilder or developer. Also, be aware of Consumer Protection laws that regulate high-pressure sales, foreclosure purchases, sale-leasebacks and other distress real estate transactions.

By: William Bronchick, Esq.

Courtesy: legalwiz.com

Seven Ways to Flip a Property

"Flipping" is the buzzword of the year in real estate - flipping books, flipping articles in the newspaper, and even flipping shows on TV! What is flipping, how does it work and how you can profit?

Flipping simply means buying a property and reselling it quickly, as opposed to holding on to a property long term as a rental. Flipping comes in several varieties, most of which are legal and profitable, some of which are not.

Flip Strategy #1: Buy, Fix and Flip

Let's start with the most common form - the good, old "fix 'n flip". This process involves buying a property that needs work, fixing it up, then selling on the "retail" market, that is, to a person who will live in the property. This method is tried and true, and works very well. You can easily make $15 - $50k on one deal, depending on your market and how good you are at finding bargains.

The danger in fix and flips is either paying too much or underestimating repairs. Be very conservative in your fix-up costs and length of time it may take to resell. Also, make sure you include in your analysis the cost of paying a real estate agent to sell the property.

Flip Strategy #2: Buy, Refi & Lease/Option

Rather than sell the fixed up property for all cash, sell for terms. Once you have completed the rehab, refinance the property at its new appraised value. If you did the math correctly, you should have little or no money in the deal. Sell the property on a lease with option to buy. The rent payment from your tenant/buyer should cover your mortgage payment (if not, consider an interest-only or adjustable rate loan that is fixed for 3 years). When your tenant exercises his option to purchase, you reap a larger profit, since you don't have to pay a broker's fee. If the tenant exercises his option after 12 months, you benefit from a lower capital gains tax rate.

Flip Strategy #3: Buy & Flip "As Is"

Don't like to do fix-up work? Consider selling the property "as is" as a light fixer upper. If the local real estate market is hot, you should be able to sell the property in poor condition just a little below market. This is especially the case with houses in "transitioning" neighborhoods. Make sure, of course, that you acquire the property sufficiently cheap enough that you can sell it below market quickly and still profit.

Flip Strategy #4: Wholesale
Strategy #1, the fix and flip, is very popular, which means there are a lot of investors looking for rehabs. You can buy the property cheap and sell it for just a few thousand dollars more to another investor without doing any work. You won't make nearly as much as the rehabber, but you will realize your profit quickly.

Flip Strategy #5: Pre-Construction
In very hot real estate markets, prices are appreciating as much as 2% per month. If you time things right, you can put a contract on a pre-construction house or condominium, then flip it to someone else when the development is complete. If it takes 12 months for the development to be complete, and the condo price is $500,000, you could make $100,000 or more in one year! Of course, the opposite is also true - you could end up losing money if the local economy tanks and you end up with a worthless condo that you can't sell for more than you paid. Use this approach very carefully...

Flip Strategy #6: Scouting
The Scout is an information gatherer, so not technically a property flipper. He is the "bird dog" who finds potential deals and sells the information to other investors. Many people get started as a Scout for other investors because it does not take any cash or prior knowledge to look for distressed properties. The Scout finds a property for sale, gathers the necessary information, and then provides this information to investors for a fee. The fee will vary depending on the price of the property and the profit potential. The Scout can expect to make five hundred to one thousand dollars each time he provides information that leads to a purchase by another investor.

Flip Strategy #7: Illegal Flipping
OK, I am not advocating this approach, because it is illegal. Illegal property-flipping schemes work as follows: unscrupulous investors buy cheap, run-down properties in mostly low-income neighborhoods. They do shoddy renovations to the properties and sell them to unsophisticated buyers at inflated prices. In most cases, the investor, appraiser and mortgage broker conspire by submitting fraudulent loan documents and a bogus appraisal. The end result is a buyer that paid too much for a house and cannot afford the loan. Since many of these loans are federally insured, the government authorities have investigated this practice and arrested many of the parties involved. As a result, the public perceives is flipping to be illegal.

The fact is, "flipping" - as I described in the beginning of this article - is NOT illegal. Loan fraud in the process of flipping is what is illegal, so don't confuse the two. The other six ways to flip are very legal, very ethical and very profitable!

By: Attorney William Bronchick

Courtesy: legalwiz.com

Real Estate Consultant - Ahmedabad, Gujarat

Introduction:

Gujarat, one of the most industrially developed states of India, has to its credit many achievements in the fields of trade, industry, education, etc. Due to its overall development, building and construction industry has been making rapid strides. To prove the point it would be sufficient to say that "Gujarat can boast of maximum number of cement manufacturing units."

Ahmedabad, the "Industrial Capital" of Gujarat, has seen unbelievable progress. Particularly in the fields of building and construction, it has given world-renowned architect like Dr. Balkrishna Doshi who is contemporary of the famous Architect La Courbusier and many many more. The eastern part of Ahmedabad has seen mushrooming of industrial estates on a very large scale, while other parts have proved its importance as residential areas, particularly in the western part of the city.

GujaratEstate.com, the website of RUSHABH ESTATE MANAGEMENT, since its inception in 1990, has been in the forefront in the field of Real Estate business in Ahmedabad, though the field of its business is spread over throughout Gujarat. A team of dedicated professionals provides their expertise in acquiring right kind of property for the right kind of person at proper place. GujaratEstate.com has been instrumental in successfully fulfilling the Real Estate requirements of its clientele throughout the world to their utmost satisfaction.

About GujaratEstate & Rushabh Estate Management:

Rushabh Estate Management, established in 1990, has carried out large numbers of assignment of its clientele to their utmost satisfaction. Its website Gujaratestate.com has been playing a very crucial role in providing basic information on different categories of properties available for selling/rent. On the other hand, it has been proving most valuable for those who are desirous of either disposing off their properties or ready to give it on rent/lease.

Rushabh Estate Management's offices are situated in the posh business area of C.G.Road in Ahmedabad at a prime location.

The company is managed by two young and enthusiastic brothers, Yogesh Shah (Commerce Graduate) and Kalpesh Shah (Master in Commerce), under the guidance and supervision of their father Arvindbhai Shah (Commerce Graduate).

The experience, expertise, devotion and dedication of all the three Chief Executives of Rushabh Estate Management has helped in carving a niche in the field of real estate. The secret of their success lies in the fact that they give the requirement of the client supreme importance and leave no stone unturned to provide best of the service with the help if its manpower, expertise and resources at their disposal.

Some of our valued clients can be named as C.M.S. Computers, Redington India, Torrent Laboratories, Cadila laboratories, etc.

Our Mission:

Our mission is to maintain our reputation as one of the best professionally managed real estate agency providing service to individuals and corporates to access of provide space for residential or commercial use on lease or sale/ purchase by optimizing use of technology, experience and expertise to utmost satisfaction.

Our Services:

Buying, selling/rent, lease real estate premises in Ahmedabad, Baroda, Surat, Rajkot and other cities of Gujarat and India. We deal in Land, Factory, Plot, Bungalow, Flats, Commercial Projects, Commercial Offices.

Rushabh Estate Management operates in posh localities of Ahmedabad, namely Ashram Road, SG Highway, Navrangpura, Mithakhali, Ellisbridge, Ambavadi, Drive-In Road, Satellite, Vastrapur, Naranpura, etc. Rushabh Estate Management is proud to serve over 700 customers including Multinationals, Large Indian corporates, Banks, Builders, Architects, Advocates, etc. We win because of our reputed customers who recommend our name among their circle.

For more information about Real Estate in Ahmedabad or Gujarat please feel free to contact us any time.

Link: http://www.gujaratestate.com